(Indirectly stating...)on the effects of divorce

Last month, I wrote a literature review on father's involvement and its effects on the socio-emotional development of children. With the alarming cases of divorce and absent father involvement we hear and see around, I would like to share some informations I gathered.

Negative Effects of an Absent Father Involvement

According to Wayne Matthews, father’s absence, whether physical and or emotional, is a critical problem. (Mathews, 1998) He stated that father’s absence has a great impact on the general behavioral adjustment and aggression in male children. He added that boys are more likely to be involved in crime and violence. In his research, Popenoe has detailed his findings by stating that boys who grew up without father involvement had developed “hyper masculine behavior”. They try to disengage themselves from the dominance of their mothers and gain a male identity. They became angry and fearful and hostile towards women in general. ( Popenoe, 1996)

With regards to the negative effects on girls, earlier studies stated that girls are more likely to get pregnant as teens. (McLanahan & Sandefur, 1994; Sampson, 1987) This finding was also agreed upon by La Crosse. He stated that girls with absent fathers use their bodies to relate to men (LaCrosse, 1997) which were also highlighted by Brott (2003) in his book. He added that fathers can help daughters know that love and sex are not synonymous (LaCrosse, 1997). And so with an absent father, girls tend to find difficulty in distinguishing love from sex. Hetherington suggested in his findings that girls are more likely to blame themselves for the problems that arise from an absent father especially if it is caused by divorce. Hetherington also suggested that those girls are more likely to engage in child sex (1999).

In the general context, research by Byrne, 1997, Horn, 1997, Levine, 1997. Murphy, & Wilson, (1997 ) indicates that children without fathers fail in school three times more often than those in two parent families. They are apt to have more emotional problems which also affect their academic skills. Matthews has proven this earlier by stating that children with no or little contact with their fathers are more likely to drop out of school. (Matthews, 1998)

How it is when an absent father is in conflict with the child’s mother? Does it affect the child’s well-being the more?I believe that the child will be affected especially in his social and emotional skills. He will tend to have behavioral difficulties that will affect his social dealings with his peers as he will tend to be withdrawn. My belief was supported by the findings of Amato and & Keith when they earlier noted that numerous social adjustment difficulties among children may occur, (Amato & Keith, 1991) and by Bowen (1976) who suggested that since the child derive meaning from a significant mother and father and often establish role identification, a child may become confused and disillusioned especially when there is conflict with an absent father.

Positive Effects of Quality Father Involvement

Lamb stated that evidence is mounting that father’s involvement enhances children’s socio-emotional health and well being (Lamb, 1997) and based on my personal experience with my own father, I agree that quality father involvement is effective and has long lasting effects on my own socio-emotional development. Mostly, I believe thatmy father’s involvement benefited me in each stages of development, which I carry within me as I passed through from childhood to our present stage of adulthood. My belief is influenced more recently by the works of Palkovitz (1997), Amato (1998), Marsiglio, Amato, Day and Lamb (2000), and Lamb (2004) who show through their own work or reviewed studies of others, the progress in understanding the contributions fathers make to children’s lives. Pickard quoted the same ideas when he stated that the father has an important potential role at each developmental stage that his children pass through, (Pickard, 1998) which is also supported by Brott (2003) by stating that father involvement has positive effects on young children, adolescents , and children who become young adults. According to Le Menestrel, (1999) Amato (1998) viewed that fathers provide both economic and social capital to children that affects school related behavior and academic achievement, career development, peer relationships, self-esteem and adult outcomes such as achievement, marital happiness and strength of social networks.

With all these related findings, I would like to present the benefits of quality father involvement in each stage. Since positive effects of any kinds bring more encouragement in every one’s lives, I decided to present the positive benefits of quality father’s involvement in details for each stage of human development. Recognizing these positive effects would then encourage further researches for optimal benefits of the children in particular and the whole mankind in general.

Preschool Years

· Better friendships. Three year olds who have positive relationships with their fathers have better friendships when they’re five.
· More cooperation and self-reliance. Children whose fathers regularly looked after them during their infancy and preschool years are more self disciplined and have better social skills, according to Kay Margetts, a researcher at Melbourne University in Australia.
· Smoother separation from Mom. During the time that their children are eighteen months to three year old, father plays one of the most critical roles they will ever play in the role of their child: helping the child safely and securely separate from the intense maternal dependency of infancy, says psychiatrist Kyle Pruett. He believes that as healthy as it is for young children to be depending on their mothers, they’ll never develop their own confidence if they don’t ever establish their physical and emotional autonomy.
· Better problem –solving skills and less frustration. Kids who have involved fathers have a higher tolerance for stress and frustration. As Henry Biller has written, kids are better able to wait their turn for the teacher’s attention, more confident to work on their own, more confident, more willing to try new things.
· More compassion for others. According to researcher Susan Bernadette Shapiro, kindergarten children whose father took more responsibility for limit setting, discipline, and helping children with personal problems and school work had significantly higher empathy scores.
(I presented here the effects on pre-school children only)

As living testament to the positive effects of father’s involvement on the child’s socio-emotional development that encompasses from childhood to adulthood, and which are supported by relevant researches as reviewed and analyzed in this paper, I recognize the fact that a father plays an important role in children’s lives. Being emotionally present in his child’s life, a father enhances his child’s self-esteem and well-being which remain with him till adulthood. With this recognition and understanding, comes the realization that we as early childhood educators should pave the way for the fathers in the centre to be more involved positively with their children. We should as much as possible avoid the devastating negative effects of an absent father involvement in children. Though we could not do anything on a physically absent father, we could help by informing them of how to be an emotionally present father. Therefore, we as teachers in school or centers can respond by including men in our work. We can plan the kind of activities which will involve fathers positively. The next step is to put our plans into actions as soon as possible. With our plans in action, we can then influence the community and the government in implementing actions and reforms that may support positive father involvement.

In short, for those who are contemplating on separation and or divorce, please do consider your decision. Please make decisions with your children's interest in mind.

Pretend....pretend....

I just watched this on cable, the Animal Planet Channel. I was so amused and so I took my camera and took this photo. The lady is a primatologist from UK who after 8 years went out to the wild to find out if the ape she cared for would still recognize her. As you can see on photo, the ape do recognizes her. So amusing....

If only most people are like that. Why?? Is it easier to pretend you don't know a person than to tell her, we've meet somewhere?? Hmmm...

To cane or not to cane?

As parents, we've all come to a point when we face the dilemma whether to discipline our own children by using corporal punishment or by just be firm with them in stating what we want. In my case, most of the times, I tried then, to talk it out with my own children. I would not say that I am a perfect parent. But I know I made incorrect decisions too. I may have hurt my own children, perhaps in their own thinking, or I may not have hurt them at all physically. What I am sure of is that I made decisions out of my love for them.

As an early childhood educator, it really hurts when one of your children is caned by her own father or mother. I understand that parents are more expert as far as their own children are concerned. But it still leave me that shaken when a lot of cane marks are so prominently seen on a young child's body. Oh, I have to understand that that particular parent underwent that dilemma too; whether to cane or not to cane. But tell me, is it worth it?

I don't know. Up to now I don't know. When I first saw a child with cane marks, I was so angry. Angry with that particular parent. Many years passed by, I still feel uncomfortable with it. But God, I have to accept that that's the way it is.

Ahh, she just remind me of my dear grandkid Darrielle. I will always love her. May she feel the love behind the pain. I hope...

For Karllisse

I am in the process of doing a play documentation, (it could be that simple, but for others, they make the work so complicated!!! Brrr!) but I decided to write something for my dear granddaughter Karllisse. It will be her 2nd birthday on the 17th. How I wish I am there with her and her twin sisters and their Mom, my eldest. Ahhh!! We really could not have it all.

In my moment of sadness, missing my beloved grandkids, I almost wanted to give up what I have. I can fly anytime I want to. But it is not that easy. There are many considerations. All I have to do is to be patient. How can I be patient when every moment of my day, happy faces of my grandkids’ are flashing in my mind? “Take your time Mom! Wait! After our own commitments, we can go together for a visit”, my daughter Marielle assured me. It lightened my heart, made my sadness bearable.

So for my dear Karllisse I could just say this from here: Happy birthday girl!!!

You are my inspiration in writing this
http://eceluchie.blogspot.com/2006/07/jean-piaget-cognitive-development.html,

this
http://eceluchie.blogspot.com/2006/07/crawling-new-view-of-world.html

and also this
http://eceluchie.blogspot.com/2005/11/child-growth-and-development-birth-to.html.

May you inspire me more!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST KARLLISSE!!!!

We love you!

On MI

I just came from my course. And I decided I better write an entry. Why so? Because I just came from a nice, well, a good lecture. Ahh, I like the topic. It was about MI or Multiple Intelligences by Dr. Howard Gardner. My lecturer just made my three hours this night a satisfying one. If all the lecturers would be as good as him, I'll completely say that it is really nice to upgrade, whatever you may think of what an upgrade is.

Well, going back to MI. In 1995, Dr. Gardner added a new type of intelligence aside from the seven which he introduced in 1983. He introduced the Naturalist Intelligence. Here, a person with this type of intelligence has the ability to recognize flora and fauna and to make other consequential distinctions in the natural world. Do you think you have this type of intelligence? If you'll ask me, I don't have. But wait, maybe a little. My score in this would be at lest a 3 in the scale of 1 to 10. Wahhh! I am not like my mother, kasi, who has a green thumb and can produce the nice orchid flowers around and can name most of the plants in her environment. She also has that natural love for animals and or pets.

But mind you, I have my own type of intelligence and or intelligences. And I am proud of my strengths.

So, how many types of intelligences are there ba? As I mentioned, we have 8. But according to my lecturer, when Dr. Gardner was asked that question, he answered 8 and 1/2. Ayyy, is that possible ba? Well, Dr Gardner has not enough datas that was why he answered 8 and 1/2. But in due time, he'll be able to present the 9th, which is the Existentialist Intelligence. Ohh, I'll wait for that time when his data will be presented to the public.

So dear folks, we know now that because of our uniqueness, we have different intelligences. So no person around is not intelligent. Everyone has his own type of intelligence. So stop saying boba or bobo, di ba?

Joking aside, I want to thank my lecturer for a nice lecture. It was a good lecture really. That was why I gave him a perfect 5 for my evaluation.

Hmmm, bye for now, I'll be soooooooooooo busy with my projects, literature review and temperament profile. Hope you will still visit my site once in a while.

Gong Xi Fa Cai

In Mandarin, we say Gong Xi Fa Cai
In Cantonese, we say Kung Hei Fat Choy
In English, we say Happy Chinese New Year
But here, we say Happy CNY!!!

I am back..
Blogging will still remain as one of my hobbies/interest.
Imagine, I accidentally deleted my blog.
Then those nasty people took over my URL.
The good CaT informed me.
I wrote the Blogger Team.
And presto! I am back in the new blogger.
(Though it took me some time to post)

Enjoy your holiday dear friends..
This year is the year of the pig.
May this year be a happy and prosperous one!

Though I am still shaken up to now.
I realized life is too short.
My young boss passed away,
And in the eve of CNY!

How will the children react?
Oh, I will see to it that I will do into practice
What I learnt from reading the research on
Young Children's Understanding and Experience With Death
As written by Eva L. Essa and Colleen I. Murray.

To my young boss, may you rest in peace!
To my children in the centre, I will be strong and positive for you.
To my family, I realized that life is really short, I will love you more day by day.

Though the year started with a sad news,
I still believe that this year will be a year full of blessings.

Gong Xi Fa Cai

Happy New Year

We wish everybody a happy and prosperous new year!

HAPPY 2007!!!

A Different Christmas

Ahh, I’ve waited for Christmas. For Christmas is the main event in my life, in our life. But now, already four days before Christmas, I haven’t even put up my Christmas tree. I haven’t mailed the Christmas cards I bought a month ago. I haven’t bought Christmas presents either. All I was able to accomplish was to give small Christmas candies to my children in the centre. Why with all the Christmas trimmings around and the Christmas carols I hear, I still am not in the mood for Christmas? Has Christmas lose its lustre and glow on my case?

I am not negative. Don’t think that way please. I just am thinking that Christmas is getting too commercial everywhere I go. Yeah, I know it is the birthday of Jesus. We have to celebrate. We have to be jolly. But then, how can we be jolly when somewhere there in that part of the Philippines, Albay in particular, many people are sad and grieving as caused by that calamity, that thypoon called Reming?

That should not affect my personal celebration of course. I still should celebrate Christmas with much joy and thankfulness. At the same time, I should respect how other people see and celebrate Christmas. I should honour the Christmas tradition that I was born to. Yes, the trimmings, the festive activities are just externals, an added glow to the festive mood. What’s more important is the feeling deep inside, that our Saviour was born on Christmas Day.

But this Christmas, I just want it to be different. I just want to feel the glory of God in His creations. And one of those is this…
















With this view, I really see the greatness of God. How nice it is to feel that His birthday is about serenity and love. How I wish the feeling of calmness will remain in me throughout.

So dear folks, however you see Christmas, whatever we believe about Christmas, let us celebrate and always remember the great love of God.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!!!

The Splendour of The Lord

As usual, we attended Sunday mass at St Anthony’s Church in Woodlands. And it was a very inspiring mass again with the homily about The Splendour of the Lord. Though the men in charge were late on cue, it was still nice watching the slide presentation of the simple wonders around us which we at times take for granted.

Yeah, when we are down and feeling blue, those wonders are difficult to feel and see. It is because it is only when “we are pure and blameless” that we really see and feel that unexplained but prominent feeling of awe and serenity on all those simple things that God provided for us.

Though it is just natural to feel sad at times, we should always see the bright side of things. For when we see the bright side, we feel happy. That is why I always seek God’s guidance for me to feel joyful with the simple things I got.

And I want to share here some simple photos I photographed that made me feel and see the splendour of the Lord.

We also see the splendour of God in people around us. As for me, I see God's wonders in my own family especially my grandkids.

As an early childhood educator, I always see and feel God's wonders in all the children in the centre. For whatever they are doing and or they are saying and in whatever moods they are in, God's love for humanity is always prominent.

Just look at him.

At her.

And at them.

Can you feel an unexplained joy seeing these young kids? (note: these kids were sponsored by my daughter's company to visit Sentosa)

Now if you are in the early childhood setting, but you feel irritable, impatient and angry most of the times, please, please leave this profession. You don't belong here. For those like me who love children will always want to see the splendour of the Lord through the children. Please don't make our beloved profession as lowly as you. Don't stain it with much hatred. Can you? Will you?

Tired

I am supposed to be sitting not in front of the computer but over there in that air conditioned room where I should listen and need to learn more about developmentally appropriate curriculum. I was not able to attend that course for the simple reason that it suddenly just hit me that I was so tired those thirty minutes ago. Yeah, I suddenly felt so tired. Imagine that, I was able to condition my mind that I was tired to attend my lesson. Hmmm, what’s happening to me?

Well, as much as I like to attend my course, I suddenly could not bring myself to get out of the house after an hour rest from full day work. There are many things on my mind that bother me. Surely, I would not be able to concentrate with the lesson if I pushed myself to attend.

So what is the purpose of my post? Ahhh, I just want to remind myself that I should not ever open the book I closed years ago. And if ever those people happen to read this post of mine, I’d like to say this: “sorry guys, but you are just part of my bad dream, gone forever in my consciousness!!”

Acch, I’m tired! But surely, this tiredness is just for a fleeting moment. I know that my stamina to face my life is still there. For I know that God gave me those strength to face my life with much courage. I know I know…..