Measurement of Happiness and Success

Every person aims to be happy and be succesful in the world she is in. This aspiration, actually, is a basic need. A need that came about since birth. Yes, even as babies, we respond and interact to meet our basic needs.

The satisfaction of our basic needs depends on our own personality as distinguished by our own individual genes and the environment that provided us with the satisfaction or limitation of our needs. Therefore, the make up of how we interact to the outside world and how we take it, added with how we interpret it, is very very complicated. For an ordinary individual, a particular person's manifested behaviour in any medium of responses may mean a thing or two. But for a person whose self esteem and self confidence is that far which make her a well rounder, a person's reactions or responses are seen in different perspectives, all with a touch of understanding.

Now, how we measure happiness and success? There can be a lot of answers. For me, no matter how happy or successful you are in the perspective you want to accept, it will not always be real happiness, if in your manifested responses, you never give a chance to other people to be happy too. Happiness and success need to be shared.

Share your success and happiness!!! Can I say damn you?? Who the hell you think you are???

Sorry I will not say those words. I have breeding!

A Maid And An Engineer In Singapore

Andy is a 40 something engineer who works for Powergas in Jurong Island, Singapore. He graduated from Mapua in the Philippines and earned his MBA at the De La Salle University.Given his paper qualifications with excellent working experiences combined with good looks, he is every woman's dream. Sadly, his interest lies not on meeting a potential wife but meeting deadlines for his work projects. No matter how his acquaintances and colleagues set him for blind dates, he always let them go home very disappointed and frustrated. There was even a gossip that circulated among friends that he fantasizes not women but men. He just shrugged off his shoulders and even managed with a joke: " I like the Matt Damon type of guy! say mo?"

Mabelle is a 25 year old domestic helper from Pangasinan. Back in the Philippines, she has 4 children with 3 men. The first child was born when she was merely 15 years old. At the age of 18, she got pregnant with another man and stopped schooling to get married. At 20, she gave birth to another child . At 21, she decided to go to Singapore as a domestic helper. After 6 months, her Chinese employer found out that she was pregnant with a Bangladeshi man. She was immediately sent back home. After giving birth, she used her cousin's name to enter Singapore again as a domestic helper. She worked with a British family. After a year and a half, the family decided to pack their bags and asked her to be transferred or look for an employer who will sponsor her remaining 6 months work visa.

At the void deck in Choa Chu Kang, Mabelle was trying to call a friend, when Andy passed by. "Bwisit ubos na!", he heard the girl utterred. He momentarily stopped that she noticed him and said: "mama pahingi naman ng coins oh!"Andy then overheard the girl's problem as she was narrating it to her friend over the phone. Not used to meeting girls of Mabelle's personality and social status, Andy was filled with pity for her. To make the story short, they compromised that Andy will sponsor her in exchange for laundry, cleaning and cooking services that Mabelle will provide. Unfortunately,she was given only a 3 months visa as Andy's employment pass will already expire within 3 months.

Luckily in just a week, with the help of friends, Mabelle was able to find a part time domestic job. Though it is not permitted for a maid to work for a person not her sponsor, she was not afraid as no one will dare make a report. She served Andy like a king showing gratitude for her stay. Andy on the other hand, bought her little things and at times asked her to eat out at the nearby hawker centre.

After 2 months, Andy filed for 2 weeks leave from work. The reason was that he will get married in Manila to a girl whom he got pregnant. Of course, everybody was surprised.They asked to meet the lucky girl. But after 2 weeks, Andy returned to work and pointed that she married out of pity only. The next week, he showed a police report stating that he physically and verbally abused the complainant, his wife.He sadly revealed that the person he married out of pity was a gold digger and a liar. He also added that he cannot sponsor her as a dependant pass holder as per Ministry of Manpower's regulation.This triggerred their violent fights.

Mabelle told friends that if Kris Aquino can file a police report about a domestic quarrel, why could not she. She cried that all she just wanted was a good life. She added that she did her part in the relationship and buying a branded shampoo and conditioner is not a crime.

Andy consulted a lawyer through his mother and then went back to Manila to have a fake marriage in City Hall be declared null and void. How to annul a fake marriage, nobody bothered to know.

Back in Singapore, Andy was allowed only a 14 days social visit pass as his employment pass was not approved for renewal. With this, his company got no choice but to terminate him. On the other hand, Mabelle was forced to go back to Pangasinan and her 4 kids. Her baby inside the tummy? Your guess is as good as mine.

Mabelle and Andy, an ambitious maid and a lonely engineer in Singapore. Wasted lives, wasted opportunities. The reason? I don't know. Maybe life is really what we make it.

Sa Lalawigan Ng Laguna

Sa lalawigan ng Laguna
doon ay nagpantasya.
Na kanyang makikita
lugar na magaganda.
At at tuwina'y makakasama
isang masayang pamilya.

Kaya sa St Paul College of Manila
Nag- aral nagpakadalubhasa
Doon nagtapos ng Sikolohiya
para maabot mas mataas pa
Pangarap na maging doktora
pangako pati sa dakilang ina.

Lumipas ang isang dekada
nagkaroon ng ibang pag asa
Hong Kong China at Singapura
pinalad doon tumira
Kasama sariling pamilya
nabuhay parang mag barkada

Minsan sa lalawigan ng Laguna
binalikan buhay na kay saya
Masarap na hangin ay nadama
pati na mainit na pagsasama
Lahat yan nakamit at nakuha
sa pag balik sa bayang maganda.

Ngayon muling umaasa
Sa paskong ubod ng dakila
Pamilyang matagal di nakita
at inang sa kanya'y lumuluha
Nais na mahagkan muling makasama
Sana ay makauwi bulubunduking Laguna.

Sha Laoshi and Fu Laoshi

Laoshi means teacher in Mandarin. Sha Laoshi and Fu Laoshi are both teachers who came from China to teach Mandarin lessons here in Singapore. They are both pretty, fair skinned, tall and think highly of their originated place.The similarities end there. Friends they may be, they are poles apart.

Sha Laoshi never stops to make me analyze. She is a person in contrast with her own self. She is very authoritative and fierce but I know deep inside, she hides a very low self esteem. She treats the children as if she owns them. She treats them as if they are lowly creatures, wild young animals who know nothing and that she is the only person around who can tame them. Her projected philosophy is that "I am your teacher, my words are to be followed, what for I became your teacher? " The big problem is that her students are merely three year olds. My God, I can feel the pain of every harsh words she inflicted on the children. True, she defies everything I valued about early childhood education and theories of child psychology.
But before you hate her, let me tell you that she is hurting. She came here as a study mama. A study mama is either a mother or a grandmother of a student from China who is allowed by the Ministry of Education to study in government schools here in Singapore.( In Singapore, government schools are highly accredited than private schools) She is then given a visa to stay and work here as long as the child is allowed to stay and study. Therefore, Sha laoshi's chance to work and stay here was due to her son. That is why she served him like a king, for in him lies the bright future for him and the family in China. You see, if the child finished his tertiary here, it will be very very easy for him to take permanent residency.
Sha Laoshi is in emotional pain. She left her family,relatives and husband in China just to be with her jewel son. She endured 3 years of homesickness to be with her precious child, only to be treated like a servant. For a mother, it is really painful and insulting.
As a defense mechanism, she projected a fierce image. An image which I know will be ebbed in many a children's heart. I am saddenned.

Fu Laoshi is a dependant pass holder. Her husband is an employment pass holder. As his wife, she is an automatic dependent, thus the dependant pass. With a letter of consent, she is allowed to work here.
She is very loving to the children and speaks softly. She likes to teach them a lot of Chinese songs and rhymes. She likes to hug the children especially the younger ones. She portrays a happy disposition in life. But beneath that smile, lies a hidden pain. Yes, she too is hurting. She has a husband here, but is with another China woman. For years, she had never seen her only child, a girl of 18, and God knows, she's thinking of her every minute of the day. I just can't imagine her lonely nights in her rented room.
Now, whenever possible, she try to wear sexy clothes. If she's wearing a long skirt, she will fold it very shortly, then will cross her legs, for everybody to see .She pretended as if she did things without malice. It may mean seduction for some, as she stands tall on the young boys sitting on the floor looking up at her. For others, it may mean just nothing.
Whatever it is, I feel saddenned. For a young boy, God forgive,this scenario may trigger sexual pleasures.

Sha Laoshi and Fu Laoshi, they are my friends. They need to know that their actions as teachers make or break a child. Maybe one of these days, I will have the courage to say a thing or two. But how can I? When I myself, may also unconsciously or can be consciously, hurt a child's feelings?

My Favourite Poems: If A Child Lives With

(Written in 1954 by Dorothy Law Nolte for her column "Creative Family Living" in the Torrance (Calif.) Herald.)

If a child lives with criticism,
he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.
If a child lives with fear,
he learns to be apprehensive.
If a child lives with pity,
he learns to feel sorry for himself.
If a child lives with ridicule,
he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with jealousy,
he learns what envy is.

If a child lives with shame,
he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with encouragement,
he learns to be confident.
If a child lives with tolerance,
he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with praise,
he learns to be appreciative.
If a child lives with acceptance,
he learns to love.
If a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.

If a child lives with recognition,
he learns that it is good to have a goal.
If a child lives with sharing,
he learns about generosity.
If a child lives with honesty and fairness,
he learns what truth and justice are.
If a child lives with security,
he learns to have faith in himself
and in those about him.
If a child lives with friendliness,
he learns that the world is a nice place
in which to live.
If you live with serenity,
your child will live with peace of mind.

With what is your child living?

Excerpts: The Prophet

(The Prophet is the work of Kahlil Gibran, poet and philosopher. His work has been translated into more than twenty languages, and his drawings and paintings have been exhibited in the great capitals of the world.
The Prophet is Gibran's most magical work, illustrated with his own drawings that are both enchanting and haunting.
This book copy belongs to Siti. Like me, she is fond of reading books in variety of topics. She is a mixed Chinese and Indian Singaporean woman who is a Muslim. She graduated from Leeds in UK and was a former Senior Deputy Head of Family & Civil Division of the Singapore Judiciary. Now, she is in UK. Why she gave up her prestigious job here, I also cannot fathom.
Our relationship is based on white lies. Sad it may sound, still I am thankful to her for this book.Here's the best part of the book most of us like.)

"And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls.
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
you are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He
bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the Archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow
that is stable."

Si Mr Batjay at si Miss Cat

ayan sabado na naman. as usual i'm home alone. wala na naman si bunso, punta na naman kay Erwina.monday naman start na ng classes niya sa Ngee Ann. Aba 1 sem na lang graduate na si bunso ko. Si pangalawa naman panay ang overtime sa OCBC, dami niya pera sarap humingi, kaso mo kuripot, todo po. si panganay ayun, ginaw na ginaw sa williamsburg with my everdearest apo who are twins.yes, i am lola na. proud ako kasi po whenever I say I am they don't believe me. katawa, mukha daw akong 30. thanks sa shiseido and of course,nasa genes yon. tapos si mr ko laging apura ng powergas, gabi na naman darating. he is my jojit paredes,sa totoo lang mas pogi pa siya kay jojit paredes. miss ko na patawa niya.
kaya eto happy pa rin ako kahit home alone. salamat kay mr batjay and miss cat. gusto ko mga patawa nila.
kaso pag dumating sila at nasa internet ako sabay sabay sigaw, "Mommy nasa internet ka na naman!" wahhhh! hirap pala masigawan. nevermind, natuwa naman ako kay mr batjay and miss cat. sulit po.

My favourite Poems: Annabelle Lee

ANNABELLE LEE

Author: Edgar Allan Poe

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love -
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.
And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsman came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulcher
In this kingdom by the sea.
The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me
Yes! that was the reason
(as all men know, In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we
Of many far wiser than we
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.
For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride,
In the sepulcher there by the sea,
In her tomb by the sounding sea.

My Favourite Poems: Desiderata

Max Ehrmann


Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.


Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.


Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.


Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.


You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.


Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.


With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.


Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

Excerpts: Drawing and Painting, Children and Visual Representation

(Dr John Matthews personally gave me this book he authored. He is an Associate Professor at the Division of Performing Arts, School of Arts, National Institute of Education, Nanyang Technological University, Singapore. Currently he has an on going research and his subjects are my children in the centre.
Below is an excerpt from the book.)

"From birth, children create a family of strategies with which they investigate objects and surfaces. They gradually begin to reach and grasp, swipe and fan, and in doing so create different effects. As the months pass, they learn to adapt these actions to suit different needs. It is not enough to describe this process in terms of object-mastery alone, because the sequences into which the baby organises her actions form expressive phases. This expressive aspect happens when the baby is on her own but is especially promoted in interpersonal contexts. the baby employs movement in playful exchanges with people, and in order to communicate with them. This means that the baby's actions are invested with a range of emotional values. Movements are given meaning in a joint enterprise of child and adult companion. Recent research has suggested that the baby's gestures are a kind of language upon which other forms of representation, including writing, speech and drawing, are soon based. This language is not an arbitrary system of signs but, along other forms of representation, including drawing, is based upon actions of the body which are already gramatically and semantically articulated- that is, this gestural language already has organisation and meaning. This is the opposite of the conventional wisdom that drawing (and writing and speech) are achieved by training the initially disorganised body into a set or system of arbitrary signs. According to this traditional approach, essentially haphazard natural actions come to attain meaning only when they have been sacrificed or abandoned in favour of a "corrected" sequence.