Summertime

How can we forget summertime especially those summers when we were young? Like every body else, I also cherish my childhood summers. Not only for those memorable moments, but also for the food associated with it especially those that we indulged with our puppy love(s).

My frirst summer away from home. Please visit my food blog www.angsaraptalaga.blogspot.com

Developmental Stages in My Married Life

Come this 22nd of June is our wedding anniversary, our twenty-six years of being husband and wife. Long years and I could say I am really proud and happy though of course, not perfectly happy. I really don’t want to miss a post on this. So I decided why not write about my married life now, at this moment while I am sitting in front of my desk top? For if not now, I’ll not be able to. I am too busy at work and with my notes for my course. So I’ll write now.

But what to write, really? My married life is not that perfect. I could say I cried buckets of tears also .At times, I’ve been ecstatic too. And I’ve been sad too. There were disagreements on how to relate with our children, most of the times. But there is something that made us communicate, though at times very difficult, and decide for a better way. We learnt how to be acceptance of each other. And so after the fights, after the misunderstandings, we are still together. We developed as individuals, as a couple, not perfect but mature. Yes, we are mature husband and wife now.

I have read much about Lilian G. Katz of the National Association for the Education of Young Children. Now that I am taking a course as subsidized by NTUC (Thank you very much!!!), I am refreshed on so many concepts about early childhood education. She presented the concepts of the developmental stages of teachers. She suggested that no one can enter a new social role as veteran. She has to progress in stages. And this concept is so true. For in my married life, I also developed in stages. That is why I want to write here the stages of development in my marriage based on Lilian G. Katz principles.

STAGE 1 SURVIVAL

I met my in-laws who came from an entirely opposite background as my own parents/ family. It was so difficult for me to accept how they behave, rationalize and socialize. Most of their values were so difficult to accept. I came from a family who value respect for another person, his feelings, rights and even belongings; that there should be magic words like “thank you, please and I’m sorry”. Since, we were living with them though both of us were working, I asked myself many times: “Can I survive this situation? Can I face these people day and day without me being offended or me not fighting back? Can I handle the fact that my husband took it as his responsibility an entire clan?”

My love for my husband, the understanding and patience developed in me by my parents and enhanced by my education combined with prayers, made me stayed on with them. I developed skills and insights into the causes of behaviour of each one of them. And I said “I will survive”


STAGE 2 CONSOLIDATION

After a few years, I was able to accept the fact that I was capable of surviving issues with those people who were either “hot or cold”. I was able to understand more why my husband was too understanding of them and why most of the times he let them affect his personal decisions even with regards to his own family. I was able to gather informations on how and why my husband behaved in such a way.

With my consolidation of facts about my husband, I was able to understand him more. Though it was so painful for my ego, I tried my best to let him be the best son, best brother and best relative that he could be. At times or I could say most of the times, his role as a husband and a father were compromised, I tried my best to support him on his wishes. There were a lot of fights, but in the end, our love for each other prevailed.

My readings on many books about relationships and marriage made me stayed with my husband. The value of matrimony as inculcated by my parents and my being a Catholic made my relationship to my husband and including “them” bearable.

STAGE 3 RENEWAL

I came to a point and asked myself why I am living this married life centred on a clan? I came to a point that I was too tired in understanding these people whose needs and expectations were getting bigger and bigger. I could not handle the pressures of being near them and living my life as a wife and mother based on what they dictated both directly and indirectly. I married because I wanted to be happy with a person I love not with people I must like. So, I became so uninterested on how to make them happy and satisfied (they were not satisfied actually!!!!) I just wanted my husband and my children in this relationship.

A new country, a new life, a new lifestyle renewed our relationship. Though there were fights, fights about them were minimized and those fights were mostly about the two of us. Finally, we became a real couple. This was the happiest stage of my married life. And I was so thankful to God.

STAGE 4 MATURITY

Finally, I came to terms with who I am. I am now a mature person and wife and projected maturity in all my other roles. I am confident with myself and is happy that yes, my life may not be perfect but I am confident being married to my husband for all these years.

Our trips and holidays overseas, precious moments with each other, day to day communication are helpful in our relationship now.

We are now mature, but not perfect. We still fight. Big fights at that. But then we know that we could not live without each other. And may God help us to reach the golden year of our married life.

And to my husband Napoleon, Happy Wedding Anniversary!!!! And Happy Father's Day too!

Kudos to BA

A GOOD READ
Scene took place on a BA flight between Johannesburg and London.
A white woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a black man. Obviously disturbed by this, she called the air Hostess."Madam, what is the matter," the hostess asked ."You obviously do not see it then?" she responded. "You placed me next to a black man. I do not wish to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group. Give me an alternative seat."
"Be calm please," the hostess replied. "Almost all the places on this flight are taken. I will go to see if another place is available."
The Hostess went away and then came back a few minutes later. "Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats in the economy class. I spoke to the captain and he informed me that there is also no seat in the business class. All the same, we still have one place in the first class." Before the woman could say anything, the hostess continued. "It is not usual for our company to permit someone from the economy class to sit in the first class. However, given the circumstances, the captain feels that it would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone so disgusting."
She turned to the black man, and said, "Therefore, Sir, if you would like to, please collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in first class."
At that moment, the other passengers who were shocked by what they had just witnessed,stood up and applauded.
This is a true story. If you are against racism, please send this message to all your friends.

#an email I received from my youngest daughter

Your choice

bright and green
dark and grey

It is your choice how you look at life. You may look at it as bright and green or dark and grey.

Yesterday, my day was bright and green. But now my day is dark and grey. tsk...tsk...

"No lah!"

NOTE: This is also my homework for my module. See, I am posting this here on my blog and at the same time my learning journal for my Professional Development Module. Two birds in one shot.. Nice....


My former centre is strategically located in Bukit Timah area where many expatriates live. That is why there are a handful of Western children who mingle and interact with local children who came from English speaking family background.

During my first few weeks, I observed this little girl named Natalie (fictitious name) who is a pure Singaporean. I noticed that she is a talker and she speaks with sense considering her young age of two and a half. I was so fascinated of her rich vocabulary that I was inspired more to engage her in a conversation every time an opportunity arises.

One time, Natalie’s Mummy wrote on her communication book addressed to all of us teachers informing us that she noticed over the week end that her daughter kept on talking to her with “no lah” and all the other words ending with “lah”. She requested that we teachers look into the matter.

Since I was Natalie’s Form Teacher, I was the one who wrote a reply to her Mum. I stated my observation and analysis on Natalie’s communication skills. That she has rich vocabulary at her young age and I credited her parents for providing her much time to talk with them. I stated that those children who ask questions and talk a lot are those whose parents have time to talk with them.

I also added that the teachers and I in particular are providing activities for their daughter that would enhance her to develop other skills like thinking skills, problem solving skills and comprehension skills all appropriate for her young age. I reiterated that our Directed Activities in the afternoon would provide more meaningful experiences for her daughter to acquire those skills in the process. I assured her that all the teachers in the centre would try to speak grammatically correct English especially during lesson time.

As much as I would like to react and be defensive that there were no teachers who speak to her using those “lahs”, my being professional stopped me from doing so. Instead of tackling why and how or why not or who in the centre speaks with “lahs”, I decided to use the opportunity to relate to the mother information about her daughter in a professional way. With this, I earned the respect of Natalie’s parents.

And whether Natalie really imitated someone in saying things and ending them with “lahs, is not an important matter to discuss anymore. What’s important is that her mother was assured that she is in good hands. That we, teachers know what we are doing and that we are doing our job to the best of our ability.

But on second thought, is there really harm done to children when they learn to speak with “lahs” or even “aiyah” or “aiyoh” for that matter?

When I came to Singapore, I never ever find this unique colloquial speech as funny. I found it cute and uniquely Singapore. For me, the speech defines Singapore, not in a bad light but in something that makes a people, something that one owns and should be proud of.

Anyway, I should and never would tell that to a Singaporean parent. Parents know what is best for their child. I am just here to support their child and motivate them to achieve their potential to the fullest. I should respect what a parent wants.

But if I would be given the chance to be asked that question, I would explain that there is no harm as long as we explain to children that those speeches are used in informal settings. I am of the belief that children are intelligent enough to know when and how to use such a language in different settings. Also, children would be exposed to different environment and settings and they would learn to digest which one or words are correct for a particular setting. And mostly they would learn an identity they would be proud to have the rest of their lives.

I felt sad...

One of my favourite site is Kiwipinay's. For those who are frequent visitors to her site, you know or have an idea why I like visiting her site.

Just now, I visited her site. I felt sad after reading her post. For in her post, I remember the life we had with "them".

Luckily, I was able to let go. We are now "free".

I hope the best for Beth!